Auckland - DubaiRather than spout on in a boring way about everything to do with the flight and What I Did On The Flight, I'll just keep it simple:
- Service was good (to a high standard)
- Food was good (better than average)
- Alcohol was good (welcomed)
- In-flight-entertainment was superior, but could be improved by less 80's style arcade games and more 90s style arcade games, and more recent movies like the Da Vinci Code. Beating your competition means having the films before they come out in the cinemas anywhere. Period. Then some [crazy rich] people will fly with you even if it means only to see the movie.
We had a stop in Melbourne to pick up new crew (the old ones were burned out and traumatised by the grunting coming from the old man in seat 23C) and I took a snap in the airport of what could only appear on an Australian flight information screen:
And so relax I did, despite slight distress at being unable to check my phone for text messages.
Dubai - LondonAfter the
experience of Dubai, the plane trip was prefaced by a startling challenge from an Emirates official in the boarding lounge: as I walked through the passport check, this man approached me and invited me to go to a table to obtain some refreshments, but all I heard was, "Young man, come over here (motioning with his hand) and ..." and fears of more hidden costs under the fruit bowl, charges of misappropriation, loss of hands and/or thieving fingers welled up inside me. Once I realised the diet-Pepsi, 7-Up and cut sandwiches were free, my anxiety abated and I consented to a diet-Pepsi, for politeness' sake rather than any nutritional or emotional benefit. After all, it seems a good idea not to annoy people who you are in fact dependent on to get you out of the country alive.
On the way on the plane I picked up a copy of the
Khaleej Times, a surprisingly, compellingly good read. Respectful and non-tabloid editorialism went hand-in-hand with thorny issues and public matters, such as the prospect of night-shifts for workers in Dubai, the suburban outrage and opposition, or a section devoted to public service-style airing of complaints about the service of companies, with a section directly below for public rebuttal (but most often public thanks and retractions from the companies involved. More than once I saw requests from the companies to have the complaints formally lodged with them). A nice touch, giving the party concerned an opportunity to respond in the public manner that the complaint was lodged. From local politics, to regional and world news, the paper was surprisingly in-depth and could put a few big name daily newspapers from Auckland to shame. On to sport and a tabloid pullout, perhaps to placate the British constituency who live in the UAE?
On-board, the woman sitting next to me filled me in on local matters and scenery, pointing out that the haze I saw was in fact smog, from an over-developed and struggling coastal spot called Dubai. She was matter-of-fact about the plight of Indian workers who were providing the labour for Dubai's expansion, stating that they had no regulations to protect them, harsh penalties for industrial action, and a pile of back-pay that they never saw. She said that the first round of expansion in Dubai (in terms of the round of 'generation', first batch of on-selling of buildings and high-rises constructed), had gone through but prices were now unsustainable - no one was buying any further because it just cost too much, as developers and speculators racked the price and the profit up. A little bleak for what I would regard as a still-developing international destination.
This flight was tricky because although it was only a 6.5 hour flight, it was 6.5 hours on the end of a restless 5 hour stopover in Dubai and a good 12-16 hours flying overnight from Auckland. This time, because there seemed to be More Happening, I'll briefly indulge in the details of During The Flight.
This time I had the privilege to be sitting at the front of economy class, so I had the opportunity to glimpse into business class whenever the flight attendants moved between the two, but also to witness the phenomenon of 'autonomous upgrades', of which two people tried to fulfil during the flight.
The first was a grumpy man who clearly had a chip on his shoulder that he wasn't in business class (or perhaps he was a trained interior decorator and the curtain design was extremely offensive to him). He wandered up to the front of economy class, which I noticed immediately because there were no attractions up there, no paintings, mini-bar or live band and people passing my row inevitably kept going (through the curtain to business class). He sidled through, into business class and must have been stopped immediately because I heard him ask where the toilets were (clearly he wanted to get to the business class ones). He stepped back into economy class with a flight attendant nearly in his face, and then he asked again, to which she said, "The toilets are down there sir", pointing back down the aisle to them. She took a step backwards, drew the curtains in a flash and then disappeared back into business class. He grumped back to the toilets and although I couldn't hear them, I imagined he was mouthing some pretty foul words.
The second was a woman who perhaps again wanted to use the business class toilets (I should really have looked back and checked to see if the economy class ones were occupied). She walked up to the front of economy class (the curtains were drawn this time), briefly stuck her head through the curtain and then proceeded to squeeze her way across the middle section of seats through to the other side, in the process waking up a guy sleeping. She then stuck her head through the curtains on the other side, before walking back down that aisle. Not so funny this time, but I only noticed because I was hoping she might get asked by a flight attendant what she thought she was doing.
At this point I turned to my trusty iPod to stave of doziness and fired up some stirring rhythms. It kept me awake but didn't stop me half-falling asleep: the first time I startled back awake, knocked an empty cup off my lunch tray (they hadn't been collected at that stage) and just about set the rest of the contents over the woman in the seat next to me. I found it staggering she didn't notice.
The second was over north Iran somewhere and my head suddenly drooped forward off my headrest and smacked the side of the cabin (I was in a window seat). The smack served to wake me up and I think I saw one of my legs jump too. I was just as concerned as the first time because I still had a mess on my tray that could have quite easily become a mess on the wall in front of me, the floor, my lap or again, the poor woman beside me. I looked around this time and she had again missed it, just like the rest of economy class who I'm sure heard the thud as my head made contact.
I decided to bring in Sudoku to help pass the time.
Halfway through the second one, two old fellows came out of business class and carried out a conversation (in what they obviously regarded as hushed tones). I stopped my music and massaged my ears as if they were sore (red perhaps) and had a listen. It appeared that they had not 'stepped out the back' to sort out their differences (over a lady?) as I had hoped, but still, they were in fact discussing a lady. I think it may have been a sister or close friend of theirs - they were freckled enough to be brothers. Whatever it was, they finished their conversation, only parts of which I was able to decipher, and sidled back into business class.
I gave up on Sudoku after doing two, mucking up the first one about six squares from completion but doing the second OK. Concentrating was beginning to get on my nerves.
Luckily, a flight attendant soon turned up with a tray of drinks. I was definitely tired, because my first thoughts were that they were generous triples of vodka, whisky or orange juice. Upon drinking the brown liquid (which she told me was apple juice but I had my doubts...) I discovered that they were in fact meagre cupfuls of water, apple juice and orange juice. The apple juice tasted mighty fine but perhaps could be explained by my thirst a the time.
Not too much else to report for the flight except that it was cloudy over Germany so I missed out on any views from the camera underneath the plane (feeding into the entertainment system) and watched Morgan Spurlock's documentary on living on the minimum wage (free entertainment: a tour of your local bank branch - HA! 'Now, here is the stamp that we use to stamp your book, and here is our drinks cabinet, hands off please...') and some historic world cup matches.
We circled around Heathrow for quite a while, and the first turn we did was around a huge pillar of cloud. Sure the pilot has outer beacons that they need to stay in, but I'm sure they saw this cloud and said to the other pilot or navigator, "Hey Jeff, I just want to give that cumulonimbus the run-around. Give us half a minute will ya?". It's quite possibly the kind of thing I'd do as a pilot if I could avoid losing my job over it.
